Most clients want their family mediation to be confidential. It means that the things said in mediation and the offers made cannot later be used in court or arbitration if mediation fails.
Nothing said or done during the mediation process can be brought to the court. The mediator cannot be summoned to court to talk about the process or what happened during sessions. However, documents that are provided (other than settlement offers) which are relevant to the legal process are not confidential. The mediation process is confidential. However, this does not mean that clients are not permitted to tell their lawyers, counsellors, friends, etc. what happened.
Family law mediation is a voluntary, confidential process that helps separating or divorcing couples resolve disputes without going to court. In Ontario, mediation is commonly used for issues such as child custody and access, child and spousal support, and property division. The goal is to reach a fair agreement that meets both parties’ needs while minimizing conflict.
A trained, neutral mediator facilitates discussions, helping couples communicate effectively and explore solutions. Unlike a judge, the mediator does not impose decisions but guides both parties toward mutually acceptable resolutions. Mediation can be done privately or through court-connected services, depending on the couple’s circumstances.
One of the key benefits of mediation is that it is typically faster, less expensive, and less stressful than litigation. It also allows couples to maintain greater control over the outcome rather than leaving decisions to a judge. Mediation is particularly beneficial for co-parenting arrangements, as it promotes cooperation and reduces hostility.
While mediation is not legally binding, agreements reached can be formalized in a separation agreement or court order if both parties agree. Lawyers can review the terms to ensure fairness and legal compliance. However, mediation may not be suitable in cases involving domestic violence or extreme power imbalances.
Overall, family law mediation in Ontario provides a constructive and cost-effective way to resolve disputes, helping families transition more smoothly after separation or divorce.
FAMILY LAW MEDIATION ISSUES
FAMILY LAW MEDIATION ISSUES
Mediating parenting issues
For most couples who have children, the parenting arrangements are the most important areas of both the mediation and the written agreement. Even though they are separating, the parties will be parents together forever. It is time to reshape their relationship so they can live separate lives, and at the same time effectively co-parent their children, attend their children's birthdays, graduations, weddings and other family celebrations together. The list of family law mediation issues to be addressed is endless: from custody and residence to access and child support, from parental communication to not discussing the financial settlement in front of the children, from how to exchange children’s possessions for access visits to consent to travel out of the country, from moving the children’s residence to the relationships with parents’ new partners.
Since parties who have children have no option to end their relationship once and for all, avoiding escalation of conflict and ensuring the ongoing communication to address the parenting issues is of particular importance, which is why mediation is especially well suited for separating parents.
Financial mediation
Financial issues in family mediation involve property equalization, child support and spousal support. In some situations they can be very complicated. As a lawyer practicing family law, I work closely with lawyers and parties to successfully settle challenging financial disputes. It is not unusual that both parties and their lawyers attend mediation sessions. At the very least, we encourage the parties to consult with their lawyers both during the mediation, and before reaching the final settlement.
Full financial disclosure must be provided by both parties when mediating financial issues. The law in Ontario requires full disclosure of financial information in order to enter into a binding separation agreement.
In mediation, parties have an opportunity to prioritize their issues. The mediator may explain the law applicable to their issues and help them focus on the things a judge would take into consideration before making a decision. It is usually useful, as it helps the parties see things within the legal framework. The mediator cannot give legal advice to any of the parties.
The parties are free to come up with their own solutions. However, if the mediator believes that the settlement that the parties are seeking is drastically unfair to one or the other party, the mediator will tell the parties. If at any time the mediator feels that either party needs legal advice, the mediator will say so. It is especially applicable in situations where there is more than one settlement option on the table, and the parties need help weighing the pros and cons of all options.
Comprehensive mediation
In many cases, separating couples have to negotiate both parenting and financial issues. The fact that they are often interconnected makes them even more difficult to resolve. My background as a mental health professional, as well as my legal training, place me in a unique and ideal position to help the parties resolve all of their financial and parenting issues, efficiently and without feeling vulnerable, at the same time with the same mediator.
3. What amount of child support is appropriate? What does it cover?
4. What will trigger a change or end to child support?
5. Sharing special expenses.
6. Will there be an education fund?
IV. Medical/dental expenses
If you have insurance through your employer, many expenses could be covered, but you need to think about coverage for the children, and possibly the other parent, and how this coverage will occur. If there is no medical coverage available through either parent, then you have to consider:
1. Who pays for medical/dental expenses for the children or the other parent?
2. What does the coverage include?
V. Life Insurance
Life insurance is usually in place for most people. Be aware of the type of policy/policies you and your partner have.
1. Will the beneficiary stay the same or change?
2. Who will pay the premiums?
3. Is insurance needed to protect support?
This list is a good starting point, but it is not exhaustive. The mediator and the parties may identify other issues as the mediation process unfolds.
HOW TO START FAMILY MEDIATION?
HOW TO START FAMILY MEDIATION?
1. To start a family mediation process, confirm your spouse's or ex-partner's interest in mediation, as it is a voluntary process requiring mutual agreement.
2. Both parties have to download the Intake Questionnaire, fill it in, and fax or mail to my office (detailed instructions are on the form).
3. When I receive both Intake Questionnaires, I will contact both of you to schedule intake meetings.
4. Each party meets with the mediator individually. The issues for mediation are canvassed during this meeting, and the parties get to meet the mediator and ask questions. The Mediation Agreement is signed, and if any preparation is needed during the first session, it is discussed and explained.
Essential Preparation Checklist
Documentation and Financial Readiness
Compile comprehensive financial documents:
Tax returns
Pay stubs
Bank statements
Asset and debt information
Create a detailed list of income, expenses, and financial obligations
Strategic Mediation Approach
Define clearly your primary mediation objectives
Identify non-negotiable priorities
Determine areas for potential compromise
Consider long-term implications of agreements, especially regarding child custody and financial support
Legal and Communication Considerations
Consult with a family law lawyer to understand your rights and legal options
Have a lawyer review any proposed agreements before finalizing them
Prepare for clear, respectful communication, Avoid emotional arguments
Ensure accuracy of shared information
Child-Focused Planning
Develop a comprehensive co-parenting strategy
Document children's current schedules and needs
Create flexible parenting arrangements
Prioritize children's well-being
Financial Planning
Develop a forward-looking budget
Prepare to discuss:
Child support
Spousal support
Asset division
Bring supporting financial documentation
Key Takeaway
Successful mediation requires thorough preparation, mutual respect, and a commitment to finding collaborative solutions that benefit all parties involved
FAMILY MEDIATION PREPARATION?
FAMILY MEDIATION PREPARATION
Before the family mediation begins:
Find and consult with a lawyer regarding your rights and obligations.
Inform yourself about your lawyer’s fee and costs of litigating your dispute.
If financial issues will be addressed in mediation, review a financial statement form. This will help you understand what kind of financial information and documents might be required of you during the mediation process.
It might not be necessary for parties to have completed a financial statement with a lawyer in advance of the first mediation session. However, doing so expedites matters.If you do not have a lawyer and/or find the prospect of completing a financial statement daunting (as many of my clients do), you are not alone. It is typical and cost-effective for parties to work with the mediator. They can assist in gathering and preparing all necessary financial information and statements. The mediator will work through all of the financial issues, and assist parties in determining ways that their assets and debts can be valued.
If you have a lawyer, inform her or him about your decision to mediate.
Before your initial and individual meeting with the mediator:
Your mediator will have received your intake questionnaire by this time. They will inform you of what you need to do in preparation for the first family mediation session. If there are existing court orders and agreements, they will most likely be needed.
When preparing for family mediation - you need to clearly establish your priorities.
If achieving one goal (for example staying in the family home) is of particular importance, you have to be clear about it.
Ask yourself if you feel vulnerable and insecure.
Discuss these feelings with your lawyer, and/or make sure that the mediator is aware of them during your intake meeting.
If you have a lawyer, download the Agreement to Mediate. Go over it with your lawyer before the first meeting with the mediator.
If you do not have a lawyer, read the agreement yourself. Ask the mediator all of your questions during your initial and individual meeting.
FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE-FAMILY MEDIATION
FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE
Most of my clients tell me the same thing – they want their family matters resolved fairly, efficiently, without delay and without the need for court proceedings. These goals can only be met by providing timely and accurate financial disclosure. In a nut shell, financial disclosure is a corner stone for resolving issues in family law. Lawyers do not negotiate final settlements without it, mediators do not mediate without it, and courts do not allow parties to proceed without it.
Parties to mediation must expect that, at the very minimum, they will need to provide financial statements as well as documents confirming the information contained in those financial statements. Any mediator allowing the mediation process to proceed without it, would be negligent.
DO I NEED A LAWYER?
DO I NEED A LAWYER?
Many mediations, especially those involving parenting issues, don’t require a lawyer. However, there are some situations in which consulting a lawyer is a smart thing to do. It is also recommended that the parties obtain independent legal advice prior to entering into any binding agreement.
In situations involving division of significant assets and large child and spousal support entitlements, it is beneficial for parties to have lawyers. The role of lawyers representing parties involved in mediation is quite different than traditional lawyers’ role. Parties to mediation are less likely to need a lawyer to advocate for them because they are trying to work together to solve their problems - not trying to convince a judge or arbitrator of their point of view. The rules of mediation are few and straightforward. The mediator is responsible for maintaining the integrity of the process. This helps the parties handle it on their own without too much trouble. However, it is beneficial for the parties to have a lawyer to advise them about their rights and responsibilities. Mediators are neutral and do not provide advice to any of the parties.For this reason, if your case involves substantial property or support rights, you may want to consult with a lawyer before the mediation. This discussion can help you understand the legal consequences of possible settlement terms. You may also want to have an ability to discuss and evaluate the possible resolutions to your legal issues.
Many of my clients are referred to me by their lawyers. Bringing a lawyer to a mediation session can facilitate faster settlements in some situations.
Some people do not have lawyers when they first contact me. Some of them believe that retaining lawyers will make the process more adversarial. Many have already reached some form of consensus, and they do not feel that lawyers could assist them. Some clients do not want to have lawyers involved at all. Everyone wants to minimize costs.
I believe that for most clients in family mediation, it is beneficial to have lawyers. In order to negotiate effectively, parties should fully understand their rights and obligations. It is also helpful if they have a good picture of what will happen if mediation is not successful.
However not everyone needs the same degree of a lawyer’s involvement. Some people choose to just have one good consultation with a lawyer prior to beginning mediation. Others prefer to have a lawyer who can answer their questions and suggest solutions throughout the mediation process. Some clients still bring their lawyers to mediation sessions. Others only retain a lawyer to review the final separation agreement and provide independent legal advice. This ensures that all matters are taken care of by the agreement.
I believe that in most situations it is advantageous to have lawyers at the mediating table. At the same time, I recognize that it is unaffordable for many clients.
DISADVANTAGES OF MEDIATION
DISADVANTAGES OF MEDIATION
There are not too many disadvantages of mediating your family issues. However, you need to keep in mind that:
Your issues will only be resolved if you and your spouse agree on how to resolve them. The mediator has no power to make decisions for you. Consequently, if the two of you cannot come to an agreement, the issues remain unresolved.
Unresolved issues still need to be addressed, which requires further costs.
Sometimes you and your partner may resolve some of your issues in mediation, but not all of them. In such a case, even if the dispute continues in court, you are closer to the finish line.
Mediated resolutions are not binding on the parties. They constitute a basis for entering into a binding separation agreement.
Mediation is inappropriate when power dynamics are unequal, such as in domestic violence cases where one party might feel coerced.
COSTS OF FAMILY MEDIATION
COSTS OF FAMILY MEDIATION
Costs of mediation are usually split equally between the parties.
In Ontario, private family mediation typically costs $300-$700 per hour, depending on the mediator’s experience and case complexity. Total costs average $2,000-$5,000 per spouse, split equally. This is far less than litigation, which can exceed $15,000-$25,000 per person. Mediators charge for mediation sessions, preparation, and document review, with virtual options potentially reducing travel expenses. They also charge for time spent preparing and helping the parties prepare for mediation. Mediators are also reimbursed for any costs incurred on the parties’ behalf, if applicable. Costs rise with multiple sessions—some disputes settle in hours, others take days—especially without full financial disclosure, which can delay progress. Despite being cost-effective compared to court, mediation requires cooperation; lack thereof can escalate expenses if it fails, pushing parties to litigation.
Overall, mediation remains a more affordable, flexible alternative, tailored to income and case needs, but success hinges on mutual willingness to negotiate.
Usually mediation saves you money compared to going to court or pursuing lawyer-assisted negotiation.
Mediation is usually a faster process for resolving conflict than court action or lawyer-assisted negotiation. Mediation dates can generally be arranged within a few weeks. There is no requirement to wait for months for a court date. Most disputes are resolved in one or two sessions.
Faster resolution and reduced conflict means less stress, fewer sleepless nights, and less emotional pain.
You participate in the resolution of your dispute, which is better than having a judge impose a solution no one likes.
Participants have more freedom to craft their own custom solutions to their problems, which can be far more creative than what a judge might order.
Reduced conflict is better for the children and enables parties to be better parents.
Participants are more satisfied with mediated solutions, as they feel they have been heard, understood and involved. They are also more likely to uphold mediated agreements.
Mediation is less adversarial than litigation. It keeps conflicts from escalating and preserves your relationship with the other party.
Mediation is private and confidential. Mediation sessions take place in private, not in the open courtroom. The details of the dispute are not available on the public record.
Parties choose their schedule - when and where to mediate. Courts never provide such flexibility.
Research indicates that settlements reached in family mediation are longer lasting and better protect the interests of the children than those imposed by the court in an adversarial process.
Parties choose their mediator, whereas in court, they have no choice of who judges their case.
